Davening: Grade 2

Every day during davening, I wait for the marker to land on my desk. If you get a marker, that means you were davening nicely and after davening you get to color in a space on your chart. Every time you finish a chart, you get a prize. Leah already got her first prize, a siddur keychain with her name on it. It's so cute that it made me want to finish my chart more than ever.

I don't know why I almost never get markers. I try so hard. I look in my sidur and don't fool around. The teacher says I have to sing louder and together with the class, but when I try my lips stumble over the words and they come out all wrong. And the girls go so fast I can't keep up. I don't think they're even really saying the words, it's impossible. But when I ask them to slow down they look at me like I'm crazy and then I get in trouble for shouting out during davening.
So I start off every day trying to sing along, then end up mumbling trying to keep up, then lose my voice and the class completely. Sometimes I get a marker, but not very often, and I'm not sure what the difference is when I get it or not so I don't really know how to get more.

At the end of the year, some girls are finishing their second or third charts, and I am almost finished my first but not quite there yet. The teacher calls me to her desk after class and dangles a blue siddur keychain with my name in gold. I want it, I want it, I want it! She tells me she knows I've been trying and I can have this now. I look at my chart and the four empty spaces, and I know it isn't true. I throw the keychain back on her desk and leave the room. I never see her or such a pretty keychain again.

2 comments:

little sheep said...

:-( makes me want to cry

Something Different said...

You know, she could have just given you markers more often and you'd never know that anything was up.
The sad thing tho, is that she probably thought she was being super-caring.

I'm impressed with your maturity tho, that you chapped at that age already that it was a pity thing....