Along with the pokes come taunts. They tease me about being so ticklish. Am I really especially ticklish? Is there something wrong with me? I can't help it! Who can tell, they never really do this to anyone else. And these are not tickles anyway, tickles are soft and fluttery, not poking and hurting. I can feel my skin bruising under their jabbing fingers.
How long can this go on? It feels like every day but surely they must get bored of it sometimes... It's been months, I think. Maybe years. Maybe forever.
When they don't listen to my cries for peace, I finally break down and tell the teacher, begging her for help. She doesn't seem to believe me. Crying over tickling? In sixth grade?! Who ever heard of such a silly thing? She tells me things I've heard before, about how I should be less sensitive and stand up for myself. She doesn't understand that it's impossible. Why am I the one who has to change? They say big girls don't cry so much -- well I say big girls should keep their big hands off of other people.
But what I say doesn't matter. I can't control my laughter. I can't protect my body. My voice is not heard. My opinions don't exist. My wants mean nothing. Eventually the other girls grow up and the tickling stops, but this becomes me.
6 comments:
I'm sorry! I really blame the teachers here, more than the girls. Sixth graders are not mature and it's awful for a teacher to invalidate her students cries like that. :(
so, so sorry...
Ouch, so you had to go through this, you write well though and I can really feel what you are going through, you have talent here!
"Eventually the other girls grow up and the tickling stops, but this becomes me"
that sentence struck me. you aren't anything as simple as a ticklsh girl. In fact you aren't your body, you aren't your emotions, and you aren't your intellect. you just are. without any definitions. only YOU can know who you really are, and only you can define your life
The sadest thing is that those girls have long moved and and forgotten the pain that they caused while you have to live with it day by day. Sometimes kids can be too cruel. :(
Feeling for you, you're probably right. Anyway I totally forgave the girls already (most of them at least) but that still doesn't take away what happened.
Little sheep, after reading about what happened to you I don't feel sorry for myself anymore :-(
Floating reflections, thanks for the compliment! I still can't believe people are actually reading this stuff!
Harryer than them all, thanks. But let's just say it's taking forever to feel ok with my own self again. I think you'll see eventually, it's just getting harder to keep writing everything out.
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