New years mean new chances, and the fourth grade teachers don't need to know that I'm a lousy davener. We're more mature now, so singing the whole davening out loud isn't so important anymore. Instead of singing everything out loud, we start adding some new parts to our davening routine, in between the old out loud parts. There are no more sticker contests or marker charts. What a relief.
The new davening is perfect. All the extra in-between stuff gives me just enough time to say what I've always been saying. It's all pretty quiet anyhow, so no one knows the difference as long as my head is bent over my siddur and my lips are moving busily. When I hear the rustle of movement, I stand with the rest. When they sit, I sit. When they daven shmoneh esrei, I stand just close enough diagonally behind another girl to see what she's doing. Since everyone already knows I'm slower, I pause before mimicking her motions. It becomes like a game as I try to time myself perfectly so as not to expose my farce.
She takes three steps back and then forward again. I follow immediately.
She bows. I bow.
She bows again thirty seconds later. I wait another ten before doing the same.
It's another minute before she bangs her chest. I wait a minute and a half.
She's already banged again, it was two seconds after the first. I do mine about five seconds apart.
I finish "davening" about four minutes after everyone else, which seems just about right for the slowest kid in the class.
Another davening done without embarrassing myself. I've won the game!
I do not realize that I'm the biggest loser of all.
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